Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
