we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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