You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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