Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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