You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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