Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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