The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
this hospital has no fireball
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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