just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
