after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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