i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
