We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
