the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
