I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
