did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
