I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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