Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize