i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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