in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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