i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
