Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My balls are so social today.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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