We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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