I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
