I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
