i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
