I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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