last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize