The maid of honor just puked.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Randomize
