I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
