Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
