so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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