I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
