I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
