I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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