Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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