My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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