I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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