Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
