MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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