smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
