It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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