Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
