$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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