Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
