Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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