we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
