It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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