he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
