Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
