And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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