That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you win again, gameday.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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