how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
