He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
