There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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