And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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