i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
