Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
