I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Randomize
