then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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