oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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