i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
