i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
this is an emotional support booty call
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Couch. On fire.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
