I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
