forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
