i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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