I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize